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Perhaps you can't even remember what some of those arguments were about - but there's just all this tension between you, and you HATE it. But when you think about trying to get a conversation started to sort it out - even THAT seems too hard because the risk of things getting even worse feels very real! You know EXACTLY what I'm talking about...
First, your memory bank starts pulling up clips from all the times you've tried before the "we need to talk" scenario with the majority of them not ending well. You hate the thought of being misunderstood, feeling vulnerable, and the whole thing descending into ANOTHER emotional meltdown. So to avoid that - you put the conversation on the shelf indefinetely.
In the meantime, your thoughts turn to the couples in your network who seem crazy happy. They seem to have totally got this whole 'relationships' thing worked out. You might think that they are just so 'made' for each other that they rarely - if ever - get into an argument. That they have some kind of secret ingredient in their relationship that's missing in yours, right?
Perhaps. But more than likely - they have experienced their share of struggle in this area too.
Hi, my name is Julie! Like you - I absolutely dreaded the thought of having difficult conversations with my husband. I was a peace-maker who would run the other way if there was a possibility of conflict around me. I'd avoid it at all costs - hence the peace-maker approach. You see as a child, I'd formed a belief that when two people you love get in a fight - one of them will walk out. I carried that belief into my marriage. Trying to get me to express my opinion on things was hard work for him - even with something as simple as choosing furniture!
Between my approach of wanting to "keep the peace" and my husband not wanting me to worry about him - we created an unhealthy habit in our marriage that kept our true feelings and needs submerged. But all of that radically changed following my husband's suicide attempt and subsequent diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Conversations don't get much more real, and vulnerable, and authentic and difficult than in the aftermath of a life-altering event like this. One day, we are a typical family doing all the typical family things the we LOVED to do together - and the next - well, we were broken, confused, and hurting. It was during this time that I put myself on a crash-course on how to navigate difficult conversations in such a way that we BOTH felt heard, and understood. A THOUSAND mistakes made along the way of course - but the gold came through. We celebrated our 31st anniversary late last year.
So, in this easy-to-ready guide, I want to offer you insights to my own experiences that are actionable and simple to implement to flip your experience for the better when it comes to important conversations in your relationship.
Why the goal is not to get rid of difficult feelings (and what you should do with them)...
Three Myths about communication that will take the pressure off...
How to de-escalate your emotions so you can focus on the words you are hearing instead of mentally rehearsing your response (hey - we have ALL done that)...
One easy way to create structure for the conversation you want to have. This one will have you going "oh my gosh I do that all the time!" (The what-not-to-do bit)...
And a whole ton more!
In Episode 116 "Learning How To Love in the Land Down Under" Couples therapy and relationships experts, Dr. Ray and Jean, interviewed my husband and I about how we taught each other how to have a healthy marriage. You can either visit their site or look for their Podcast to hear it.
When I faced a big life decision that impacted my family, I was finding it hard to get clarity to see the next step. After spending some time with Julie, we talked through some techniques for assessing my options, and I suddenly understood what I needed to do."
Go Deeper With Self-Hypnosis
As a certified Hypnotherapist, I have also created the opportunity for you to experience an even deeper level of powerful transformation with a self-hypnosis audio to listen to over a period of 21-days. The focus is on building emotional resilience and includes a beautiful visualisation experience of releasing any regrets from the past.
Four Practices To Create Lasting Transformation
Designed to complement the Self-Hypnosis audio, the four practices contained in this guide will equip you with four practices to incorporate into your daily life as you build greater emotional and mental resilience across all areas of your life.
My Guarantee!
I know you that if you put into practice the valuable life-lessons covered in this guide, the conversations will get easier!! But if for any reason you are not happy with my product, request a refund within 3-days of purchase and I will process that for you - no questions asked.
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